Comments on: Where’s Daddy?

By: Albert

Albert — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 22:59:42 +0000

...... .С Наступающей Пасхой ...

By: Dmitry

Dmitry — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 06:34:06 +0000

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By: jen

jen — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 16:56:30 +0000

I don’t have kids, yet.
My partner and I discuss it sometimes – we’re not ready yet – but I’ve wondered about all of this. I think there is already quite a bit of enlightenment here already: with the not wanting to allow our prejudices come through to these children, or allow our neighbors to see how much they anger us, or even to tell the ‘right’ people about our lives. I don’t think that previous generations of mothers, fathers, parents were even remotely considerate about any of this! Being the daughter of a mother and a father who divorced I saw their prejudices and their parent’s prejudices – we all seem to be quite sensitive to our own prejudices and perhaps b/c of our experiences – but truly every great parent wants to protect their child and themselves – we do the best with what we’ve got.

By: Jane Know

Jane Know — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 03:25:51 +0000

I grew up the daughter of a single mom and can say that most of the resistance or struggles I dealt with were more a result of society’s expectations of what a family should be than the inherent parenting ability of my mother. I think single moms (and lesbian moms) are seriously undervalued because they are almost always the default caretaker. Thus, when men step up to the plate to take care of their children they are “admirable.” When women do, it is expected but never quite good enough for some people.

By: Amy

Amy — Sun, 07 Oct 2007 18:53:54 +0000

Thank you for sharing these encounters. I’m a hetero mom whose kids DO have a daddy, and I still cringe when people assume I’m married.
Hopefully the assumed definition of what a family is will be more encompassing when its time for our kids to have families of their own. Again, thank you for the posts.

By: amanda

amanda — Sun, 07 Oct 2007 16:30:25 +0000

You know, I think no matter how hard we try, we err. Little prejudices are going to slip, lazy stereotypes. The opportunity comes in teaching our kids that we can always learn, always improve, and always grow. The time I spent thinkng my mom was perfect was nothing short of torturous as it made me ashamed of the shortcomings I saw in myself. I think that when people raise the question, as you’ve done, it means they are on the right track.

By: trish

trish — Sun, 07 Oct 2007 14:16:30 +0000

I dealt with the same issues, as a single mother in a deadbeat dad situation. Especially since my son is biracial and I am from Irish descent with reddish blonde hair and green eyes, not to mention fair skin. I still get questions, even now that he’s 15, but thankfully he is well-adjusted enough to answer them himself and just laugh at the people.

Just wait until you start having ANY difficulties in school. You’ll get the blame for it ALL. If there was “a dad in the picture,” then this wouldn’t be happening. (I put that phrase in quotes because it’s so ridiculous.) I actually lost custody to the deadbeat dead in my situation because judges actually think this way, especially in southeast Texas.

Good luck, sorry for writing a novel in your comments but I can totally relate to what you’re going through, even from a different perspective.

By: shelli

shelli — Sun, 07 Oct 2007 00:25:18 +0000

People in the neighborhood know us really well now, and Malka has some friends at the playground, but when she was ‘fresh” at home with us? The most popular thing I would get is: “boy, her daddy, dark, huh?!” To the which, I’d snarkily reply – “not sure.” And leave it at that. And let them wonder and scratch their heads.

When kids ask why we are two different colors, I lovingly explain adoption. At least THEY ask openly and honestly.

I don’t think that my snarkiness can continue as Malka gets older, however. She’ll start to catch on.

So I, too, look for the path of enlightenment, and until then, just do the best I can, and love my daughter and defend our family when I can.

By: Round is Funny

Round is Funny — Sat, 06 Oct 2007 13:45:54 +0000

Oh, yes.