Comments on: Shoe? Meet the Other Foot.

By: Joy

Joy — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 17:55:45 +0000

This was very interesting for me to read, Liza. Although I do not have direct expereince with this, and my own boys are only 5 and 8 months, I already think about how I might react if either of them were to be gay. Even at 5 years old, I see how much heterosexuality is normalized among children–especially as all the kids are going through a “I am going to marry so and so” stage. He was teased for saying he would marry his best little guy friend. When my husband recounted the story with amusement to the “future husband”‘s parents, they just looked at him in horror at the notion–as if he had suggested something vile. I will confess, I told him he should probably lay off talking like that with other parents whose politics we don’t know–I didn;t want my son to experience any kind of negativity (Husband’s response was “f**k ‘em, reminding me once more why I am lucky to be married to him!)

Obviously, this is a pretty small and not entirely relevant anecdote. But I know that I will love my son and whomever my son choses to love, and I hope I can raise him in complete awareness of this. I also know that my only qualms in the matter will be over how other people might mistreat him because of his choices.

By: Mo

Mo — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 02:08:44 +0000

I really liked this post, Liza. You bring up a lot of good points about the difficulty of coming out for the gay person, but also for the family. I hate it when families get completely split apart over this, and I think it takes some give and take from both sides. I think one of the things that my mom found really hard at first was the loss of my having a family, but of course now my little family is a big part of the larger family.

By: Liza

Liza — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 01:18:04 +0000

Thank you both!

Isabel, I think it’s sad and not uncommon that you don’t know what’s going on in his head, and he seems to not know what’s going on in those of you and the rest of your family.

Molly, it sounds like you’re having the opposite experience — the close communication with your sister, and really getting “what does this mean?” for her and for her future, just sounds amazing. For both of you!

By: Molly

Molly — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 21:11:44 +0000

Great entry!

It’s nice to read things from “the other side” of the fence. My live-in sister came out about six months ago. It’s been a process – and one of the most courageous things she’s had to do. With each person she told, especially with my parents, she was shocked to find a great deal of acceptance. She’s been happier than ever with her life, and I’m so happy for her.

The thing about having a family member (a very close one, in my case) come out is that everyone has some sort of mental picture of what their loved one’s future holds. I had to lay to rest the idea of a brother-in-law and neices/nephews (she doesn’t want kids) and paint a new picture in my mind for her. I was a little nervous, wondering how or if she would change, but for the most part, everything is even keel. She was gay long before she told me, and the only thing that really changed was my knowledge of it. I love that my kids will grow up with this perspective as their norm, and I love that it’s something that’s discussed openly at our house. Most of all, I love that I’ve gotten to take this “coming out” journey with her. I feel like I’ve earned at least a few rainbow stripes of my own.

;o)

By: Isabel

Isabel — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 19:19:16 +0000

Thanks for this lovely post. You said some really good things that were important for me to hear.

The bottom line is that I have no idea what is going through my brothers head. I wish I did. I wish it made more sense to me.

(And also, he is a big fat jerk. So that may or may not have something to do with all of it!)