Comments on: What Will Boys Be?

By: karen

karen — Wed, 24 Jan 2007 04:42:39 +0000

You speak my fears! Exactly!

By: abby

abby — Sun, 21 Jan 2007 18:35:32 +0000

This was a great post, Art-Sweet! And I agree with everyone above who noted that it is great to raise boys who will respect women and be more sensitive than average. And we are totally NOT looking forward to the ‘mean girls’ stage that Hallie will inevitably enter into when she’s a teenager. I know that we’re pretty intent on giving her all the love in the world because of how she came into it right now, but I do wonder if we’ll feel the same way when she’s 14 and in that hormonal teenage stage. Not to mention that both of us are not at all sure how to handle styling her hair (when she gets some, which looks like it might still be pretty far off in the future…)

By: Wendy

Wendy — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 20:03:03 +0000

Hey – talk with Cheryl. When I was first pregnant with Katie she really wanted a boy. All of her past experiences with small children were with boys. But, she is deeply and head over heels in love with Katie. And since you know my girls, Katie wants nothing to do with karate, running, kicking and all those other rough housing things. She wants ballet, pink and dresses along with babies and dolls. It warms the cockles of my heart to see Cheryl on the floor playing baby with Katie! Some day Cheryl will learn how to do a mean ponytail, I just know it. When they are your’s you know what to do with them that, I promise you. And again since you know my girls, you know there couldn’t be 2 more different girls in the world. It amazes me that they come from the same family!

By: Liza

Liza — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 19:15:31 +0000

Every time we walk past the girls clothing section of, oh, pretty much any store, I have a moment of *whew*.

Of course, Noah might grow up wanting to wear pink glittery camo pants that barely graze his hipbones. But at least while I’m still doing the shopping, it won’t be the in my face option.

(I do judge the pink glittery camo pant. You are free to dress yourself and your children in them if you want, but me? I find the message troubling on so many levels, taste being the least of them.)

By: Shelley

Shelley — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 17:08:06 +0000

Ooops goofed up the link, sorry about that, wish we had a “preview” option…

cloudscome’s A Wrung Sponge is at http://awrungsponge.blogspot.com

Which should be a link here if I do it right!

By: Shelley

Shelley — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 17:05:43 +0000

Hey, you quoted me, too! [blushes]

Thanks for the shout out.

I was sad about having a boy for about two weeks after we found out. Never again. Just went to a women’s basketball game and saw a bunch of pre-adolescent girls and thought, “Whew, dodged THAT one!”

I’m sure I would have loved and cherished whoever G-d saw fit to send us.

I love having a forum for having these conversations, because the whole parenting gig does seem like such a learning process!

Trista, I’m checking that article out tonight; thank you.

And Kwynne, I particularly appreciate your raising the question of how issues of race and racism fit into our thinking… I feel another post coming on…

And I’d recommend cloudscome’s as a possible bookmark on the topic… don’t think she’s queer, but she’s thoughtfully raising a transracially adopted black boy and blogging beautifully about it.

There is one boat. We are all in it. Glad to be here with you all.

By: Trista

Trista — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 16:15:16 +0000

Beautiful post, A-S! You touched on a lot of my own fears and concerns when I think about the possibility of having a boy.

Kristin and I have recently met some new friends. They have a 5 year old boy, and watching this boy is starting to help me become more comfortable with the thought of having a boy myself. If you’re interested, my friend recently wrote a column about her son for one of Salt Lake’s queer newspapers. The pdf is located here and her column is on page 14 of the pdf document.

http://qsaltlake.com/issues/qsl_07-01-16.pdf

By: Kwynne

Kwynne — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 15:23:36 +0000

Great post and something I’ve been meaning to talk about for awhile now. The goal over here is to raise a feminist boy – but as you say, it is much easier to bend those stereotypes for girls (a friend of mine who is due in 2 weeks also mentioned how most gender neutral names are just boys names you would give a girl – not too many boys are named Elizabeth, you know?)

And something else I was wondering…how does race factor into your thoughts on raising your little boy? Over at our house, we are constantly foregrounding the implications of race on Dré’s life, and the way our society treats young men of colour, specifically black men. I’m trying not to worry too much (ha! I worry every day about endless things!) but I know that raising a boy child of colour comes with a different set of strategies than raising a white boy. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

By: Estelle

Estelle — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 14:49:15 +0000

I so desperately wanted a girl. We both did, but it was more intense for me. When Charlie was born, I loved him instantly, but I was still very disappointed that he wasn’t a girl. It took me weeks to get over it, and to tell the truth I’m still not sure I am. And it’s to the point that now I never want a girl, because I never want to compare her to Charlie or love her more than Charlie or even think of what “might have been” if Charlie had been the desired sex.
But he’s a boy, and he’s a wonderful little boy. He’s sweet and loving and smart and funny. He helps me all the time, he’s nice to babies and animals, he’s totally into car seats. And he’s very girly for a little boy, which has worried me at times. He loves pink and dolls and glitter and brooms and cooking. He’s not that interested in trucks, but he does love his blocks. But he’s him, and I wouldn’t trade him for anything.
It might take time for you to adjust to having a boy. And it might come completely naturally. But by the time he is with you for a few weeks, even a few days, you will be thrilled that you didn’t get what you originally wanted.

By: Mo

Mo — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 03:12:37 +0000

We have a wonderful 4-year-old boy, and I agree with what you are saying about trying to raise a sensitive non-stereotypical boy. But I also have to say that sometimes I think my partner and I are too uptight about his behavior in our attempt to teach him to be “gentle and nice”. He is not into any commercial things (other than Thomas) and hasn’t started doing the gun thing yet, but he is very very impulsive and energetic, a couple of qualities that I think have caught my partner and I off guard. We love having a boy, but also think we have to make some adjustments in our expectations. Art-Sweet, I can’t wait until you get to bring your little guy home!