Comments on: Who’s his real mom? http://lesbianfamily.org/2006/12/11/whos-his-real-mom/ find blogs from all kinds of lesbian families Sun, 13 Jun 2010 14:57:52 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.5 hourly 1 By: Liza http://lesbianfamily.org/2006/12/11/whos-his-real-mom/comment-page-1/#comment-449 Liza Tue, 12 Dec 2006 14:20:33 +0000 http://lesbianfamily.org/2006/12/11/whos-his-real-mom/#comment-449 I think that's a great answer. And I'm impressed that you came up with it on the fly. I think that’s a great answer. And I’m impressed that you came up with it on the fly.

]]> By: Christy http://lesbianfamily.org/2006/12/11/whos-his-real-mom/comment-page-1/#comment-448 Christy Tue, 12 Dec 2006 03:26:28 +0000 http://lesbianfamily.org/2006/12/11/whos-his-real-mom/#comment-448 I often wonder this myself, if I were in that situation. I think once we have a child I will mellow out, I probably would have went on a long tyrant rant that would not have accomplished anything. We as a society are so hung on to the meanings of words, etc., really it takes more than an egg and a sperm to be a parent, mom, dad, whatever, but most fail to realize until you point it out to them. Friends, of ours, Ann and Cindy, have two little ones, they're both in their early 40's, they often get asked the question, which one is the mother, they both respond that they both are and it's left at that. I don't know how I will respond, as I will carry my partner's egg, she's black I am white, we're using a white donor too. It should make for an interesting environment. It's Christy btw, the one that is thinking of using Dr. Sacks. I often wonder this myself, if I were in that situation. I think once we have a child I will mellow out, I probably would have went on a long tyrant rant that would not have accomplished anything. We as a society are so hung on to the meanings of words, etc., really it takes more than an egg and a sperm to be a parent, mom, dad, whatever, but most fail to realize until you point it out to them. Friends, of ours, Ann and Cindy, have two little ones, they’re both in their early 40’s, they often get asked the question, which one is the mother, they both respond that they both are and it’s left at that. I don’t know how I will respond, as I will carry my partner’s egg, she’s black I am white, we’re using a white donor too. It should make for an interesting environment.
It’s Christy btw, the one that is thinking of using Dr. Sacks.

]]> By: Erin O' http://lesbianfamily.org/2006/12/11/whos-his-real-mom/comment-page-1/#comment-447 Erin O' Tue, 12 Dec 2006 02:03:10 +0000 http://lesbianfamily.org/2006/12/11/whos-his-real-mom/#comment-447 Hey there! Decided to come on over and visit and was not disappointed! Thanks for sharing your take on the "real mom" question that will face all of us who adopt. I like hearing how different people answer the question, and it sounded like you not only handled it well, but I think that they "got it" as well as they could in that immediate moment. And I bet they keep "getting it" as they continue to process the info, like we all, (hopefully) do. thanks! e Hey there! Decided to come on over and visit and was not disappointed!

Thanks for sharing your take on the “real mom” question that will face all of us who adopt. I like hearing how different people answer the question, and it sounded like you not only handled it well, but I think that they “got it” as well as they could in that immediate moment. And I bet they keep “getting it” as they continue to process the info, like we all, (hopefully) do.

thanks!

e

]]> By: deb http://lesbianfamily.org/2006/12/11/whos-his-real-mom/comment-page-1/#comment-446 deb Tue, 12 Dec 2006 01:35:13 +0000 http://lesbianfamily.org/2006/12/11/whos-his-real-mom/#comment-446 You ask, "What would you have said?" Just exactly what you said, I think. We find it is a <i>process</i> of teaching, learning, re-teaching. Like little kids, they don't always get it the first time. Like you, I don't invest too much grist into how someone asks a question. The language is plainly not all there yet. It's not their fault. And, although we also live in a liberal area, that does not mean that everyone we come in contact with has ever known a gay or lesbian couple, and with kids, no less. I don't like to assume anything. You made a difference. We chip away at pre-conceptions and that's how things change. It's not the big things. It's the little conversations, the time spent, the smile that really make a difference. But, you knew that already, didn't you? You ask, “What would you have said?”

Just exactly what you said, I think. We find it is a process of teaching, learning, re-teaching. Like little kids, they don’t always get it the first time.

Like you, I don’t invest too much grist into how someone asks a question. The language is plainly not all there yet. It’s not their fault. And, although we also live in a liberal area, that does not mean that everyone we come in contact with has ever known a gay or lesbian couple, and with kids, no less. I don’t like to assume anything.

You made a difference. We chip away at pre-conceptions and that’s how things change. It’s not the big things. It’s the little conversations, the time spent, the smile that really make a difference.

But, you knew that already, didn’t you?

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